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Daily Poll/Archive/February 2008
February 24, 2008 *Points: Exxon Oil Spill Still Leaking *Truths: Exxon, environment, oil, gas, ocean, endangered species How should Americans celebrate the 14 year anniversary of the Exxon Valdez oil spill? Buying 14,000 shares of Exxon stock. Selling 14,000 shares of Exxon stock. Buying 14 gallons of gas at the local ExxonMobil station. Driving their Hummers up to Alaska to take photos of the oil covered beaches. February 21, 2008 *Points: DNA Study Supports African Origin *Truths: Africa, evolution, scientists, man, woman, Adam, Eve, The Bible, Condi, God Why do university scientists lie about man's origin being in Africa? They work for the same liberal university that employed Condoleezza Rice. They don't use President Bush's map of the world. They decide before FOX News reports. Why do scientists hate God? February 20, 2008 *Points: Oil Prices Cause More Wood Burning *Truths: oil, American, America, trees, global warming, trickle down, Republican What's the most American thing about Americans' shift from oil and gas to wood heating? The heroes clearing forests are like Bush clearing brush. It proves that global warming is nerd mythology. It supports the Republican plan to globally warm the planet faster so heaters aren't necessary. Wood stove stocks will trickle down on the markets. February 19, 2008 *Points: Bush Aids Contempt, FDA Dazed & Confused, Chinese Drug Poisoning *Truths: Democrats, delegates, executive privilege, China, Reaganomics, health care, FDA Why are Democrats in contempt of America? Because they are envious of the Republicans growing democracy in China via Reganomics. Because they hate that Republicans found a way, without Michael Moore, to provide cheap drugs for America's medical needs. Because they don't have executive privilege. Because the only thing they have that's super are delegates. February 18, 2008 *Points: Bear Intelligence, Protect Phone, Inc., FBI Mail Upgrade *Truths: bears, wiretapping, CIA, FBI, FISA, America, Valerie Plame, Joseph Wilson, Scooter Libby What's the best way to deal with the bear combatants? Employ covert teddy bears. Pass the Protect America Act as President Bush knows what's best for our intelligence professionals. Keep archives and backups of data on what the bears say and do. Give the FBI more email access. Give permanent immunity to bear watchers. February 17, 2008 *Points: Expired Spying, Cut and Run Students *Truths: spy, Homeland Security, terrorists, Congress, college, Oral Roberts University, prayer Who should be held responsible for last week's outbreak in college terrorist attacks? The liberals who don't require prayer before each university class. The liberal teachers who don't holster a gun in class. The liberal students who don't keep guns in their backpacks. The liberals in Congress who didn't renew domestic spying. February 14, 2008 *Points: Larry Craig's Ethics *Truths: Larry Craig, THE Greatest Vice President EVER!, colon, THE Greatest President EVER!, heart, doctors How should wikiality celebrate Valentines Day? Maxing out our credit cards on American chocolate. Worshiping Dick Cheney's hearts. Sending chocolate to Dick Cheney's doctors. Worshiping George W. Bush's colon. With someone near and dear to our hearts in a public restroom. February 13, 2008 *Points: Tuberculosis Threatens Web Support *Truths: smoking, cigarettes, Henry Hager, Narlboro, macaca, Internets, tubes What shall be done to disinfect the tubes of smoke? Make more French googly eyed clams to smoke them instead. Hire Henry Hager to find a solution with the White House. Install a clean nicotine filter on each tube. Ask why the Canadian organization that published the research hates macacas. February 12, 2008 *Points: Nancy Pelosi's tube, Conyers Attacked by America Haters *Truths: Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, The Greatest Vice President EVER!, Hate America Firsters, Truthiness Alert Color Code, Color Codes for Terror and Alarm House Judiciary Chairman Conyers was flooded with pro-impeachment stuff from the tubes today. Is it time for: Flooding Pelosi's tubes. Changing the threat level to orange. A Bush press conference. Loading Dick Cheney's gun. February 11, 2008 *Points: Does Conyers Consider Impeachment Lynching?, Pelosi Begs for Comments, Mukasey Approves Silence *Truths: THE Greatest Vice President EVER!, The Colbert Bump, John Conyers, Attorney General Mukasey, Democrats, waterboarding, Robert Wexler Why would Conyers consider impeachment hearings for Vice President Cheney? He's a liberal. He's a Democrat. Pelosi is waterboarding him. He's jealous of Robert Wexler's Colbert bump. February 10, 2008 Should polls be closed on God's day of rest? Praise Jesus! Hallelujah! If the Jews don't move it to Saturday. Can we still watch TV? February 9, 2008 *Points: Obama Mo, Vote count nerds, Obama pwns Clinton *Truths: America's Party, Barack Hussein Obama, voting, Dems, Real Americans, John McCain, Hillary Clinton, Chelsea, Ann Coulter People in red states is vote'n more in Dem caucuses than Republican caucusi. What has happened to America's Party? They has forgotten the lessons of the 9/11. John McCain puts them to sleep. Mrs. McCain looks like Ann Coulter, but too old. They want to see Hillary Clinton nursing baby Chelsea. It's just a caucus. Real Americans are at churches. The ones not holding a caucus. February 8, 2008 *Points: Support the Troops *Truths: troops, health care, health insurance, bootstraps, Blackwater, Halliburton The liberals is complaining about troops health care. What learnings do they need? Health insurance trickles down. You go to war with the health coverage you got, not what the Army provides. Bootstraps, learn to pull. VA Hospitals is for Army executives and Blackwater employees. If you give them health care, pretty soon raped Halliburton employees will expect it too. February 7, 2008 *Points: $170 Billion, Taliban Surge *Truths: The Taliban, billion, surge, Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Hannity & Colmes How much more should we give President Bush-Cheney for the mini-surge in Afghanistan for the resurgent Taliban? $170 Billion. What does Rush Limbaugh say? What does Bill O'Reilly say? How much makes that big headed weasel on Hannity & Colmes jump? February 6, 2008 *Points: God Sends Tornadoes at Voters, Mississippi Cowers, Book Readers Punished *Truths: The Greatest President EVER!, God, voting, global warming, Al Gore What will President Bush do about the tornadoes? Declare the War on Weather. Hunt them down and bring them to justice. Blame the scientists. Nothing. Let people feel God's wrath for voting so much yesterday. Blame Al Gore's plane. February 5, 2008 *Points: Do Not Vote, Voter Holding Cells *Truths: Super Tuesday, voting, Mike Huckabee, John McCain, Ron Paul, Colbert Bump, Stephen Colbert What's the best thing to do on Super Tuesday? Vote Obama. Not vote. Watch FOX News. Vote Huckabee, because that will count as a vote for McCain, who is actually Stephen Colbert. Vote Ron PAUL, who will fulfill Reagonomics! Vote Mike HUCKABEE, who will make Stephen Colbert Vice President even if he isn't McCain. February 4, 2008 *Points: Find your Caucus, Democratic Unity, Cocky Hawaiians *Truths: Super Tuesday, voting, The Liberal Media, Super Bowl, Real Americans, Rupert Murdoch, FOX Sports What is "Super Tuesday"? A liberal myth propagated by the liberal media. The Tuesday before the Super Bowl. Something real Americans would care about if they read or voted. There is only one super day - Super Bowl Sunday, brought to you by FOX Sports, a Rupert Murdoch corporate subsidiary.